I met Lauren Chiarello of Chi Chi Life several years ago through Dreamers & Doers, a collective for female entrepreneurs. Lauren’s story is incredible, she battled cancer twice and came out the other side with a shining, resilient personality and a deep passion for advocating for the healing powers of fitness (scroll down to get a code to workout with her for free!). Seven months ago, Lauren gave birth to twin boys, both of whom spent time in the NICU. Watching her go through these challenges was heart wrenching - splitting time between two newborn sons, so many tests, doctors, and uncertainties, and a surgery, all amidst the early days of a global pandemic. All of that being said, Lauren was able to find moments of gratitude and joy throughout theses difficult first months (and her sons are thriving now!). I want to share Lauren’s story in hopes that it offers mothers with children in the NICU support, hope, and sisterhood.
Here is the interview with Lauren Chiarello on navigating self-care as a NICU mom:
can you tell us about the birth of your sons and your experience in the nicu?
Twin A, Vincent, was breech so we were set to have a scheduled cesarean on Friday, January 17. At my OB appointment on Thursday, January 9 – it was time. Twin B, Jacob, was not growing since we last measured two weeks prior. When the boys were born, Jacob was diagnosed as IUGR (intrauterine growth restriction) – he was 3 lb 13 oz and Vincent was 5 lb 3 oz.
The NICU was scary at first. I quickly realized the doctors and nurses were so deeply compassionate – I knew our babies were in the best hands. They were kind, caring and happy to answer any questions. The nurses helped me learn how to breastfeed – which is difficult for preemies (and mama!). The boys were on a pretty set feeding schedule from the start – so right away, we learned the importance of schedule. The whole feeding process was frequent and long, especially with two babies. I was also pumping seven times per day for 20-30 minutes. The deep dive into motherhood was tremendous. Having the support, guidance and expertise from the NICU team was invaluable and deeply appreciated.
The NICU was also very lonely – I longed for the day we could bring our babies home. I felt sad that we couldn’t stay with them overnight. But one amazing feature at our hospital – they allow NICU parents to “board” at the hospital at no charge with food included. A true gift, as our hospital was 30 minutes from our home. We were deeply grateful!
how long were your sons in the nicu and special care?
Vincent was in the NICU for 11 days. Jacob was in the NICU for 25 days – which included one week at a Level IV NICU one hour away when he was one week old. Jacob came home for one week before we headed to a liver specialist appointment. Little did we know, we would never leave the hospital. This hospital experience was totally different then the NICU – we did not feel comfortable leaving the room as he was all by himself.
He was in four different hospitals for nine of the first ten weeks of his life, including surgery. He struggled with low blood sugars, slow motility/poor feeding (which caused extreme belly distension) and elevated liver functions. He was suspected to have a pediatric liver disease called Biliary Atresia – which requires a surgery between 7 to 12 weeks of life to be most effective.
We had to move fast; Jacob had two liver biopsies and many different tests/scans. We wanted him to be in the best hands possible, so we reached out to our networks. We found a connection to the Chief of Pediatric Surgery at New York Presbyterian which has one of the best liver teams in the country. We had to get him transferred there which took several days. Jacob had a surgery to perform a test called a Cholangiogram to confirm the diagnosis and the surgery was a success – which meant he did NOT have Biliary Atresia.
While this was positive news, Jacob’s myriad of health issues was still a mystery. He spent 10 days in the PICU (pediatric intensive care unit) after his surgery with various setbacks but ultimately, we were able to go home on March 19th – just as the pandemic was exploding. Jacob was on a feeding tube and pump at home, so we learned to manage all of that, while caring for Vincent.
what it was like healing from giving birth while being focused on your sons' health?
It was extremely difficult and traumatic. One week after my cesarean, I was on a bumpy ride in the back of an ambulance with my husband, bringing Jacob to a Level IV NICU for care. We had to leave Vincent behind at the other NICU. To be honest, it felt like an out-of-body experience. I couldn’t properly heal or process their birth until after we all came home.
what were a few things/practices that helped you get through this challenging time?
100% asking for help. My aunt flew up to help care for Vincent. My mother-in-law moved in with us for a month. I tried to surrender and accept the challenging landscape. My heart truly broke in two – Vincent at home, Jacob in the hospital. My husband and I going back and forth, back and forth.
I found gratitude and moments of joy in each day, no matter what. Often times it was a simple as the warm cup of tea in my hand while sitting next to Jacob.
Friends offered to bring food and send gift cards – and we accepted it all graciously.
what were some ways that you were able to practice self-care during this time?
I had to take one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Mindfulness and staying in the present moment was the only practice that carried me through. I am a huge advocate for self-care – but this truly took the back burner during the first three months postpartum. I was literally trying to stay afloat without drowning – Vincent at home, Jacob in the hospital.
Those first few months felt like a swirling nightmare and looking back were quite traumatic. There was so much going on; caring for Vincent and advocating for Jacob. As soon as we brought Jacob home, I began exercising right away. Gentle and simple. Movement helps me physically and emotionally. It was crucial in recovering postpartum.
were there some joyful moments throughout?
During Jacob’s hospital stay, we focused on the tiny wins. Friends from all walks of life showed up for us. Family supported us and helped us care for Vincent at home. We were so grateful to be lifted up when we could barely make it through each day. The joy was in the power of community and compassion.
what advice would you give a mama who is going through a similar situation?
Please know you are not alone. Ask for help. Lean on your friends and family. Take one day at a time and focus on the tiny steps. Try to keep a positive mindset. Feel all your feelings.
Learn more about Lauren at @chichilifenyc and book a free virtual Pilates Fusion class with her at www.chichilifenyc.com with code FRIENDSOFCHICHI